RANDOM THOUGHTS

B E I N G  -  A L O N E

Being alonE

              Though only she gone from my life and everything is here, but that everything is nothing to me. I miss her in my days, I miss her in my nights, I miss her in my everything; in my life. I tried to laugh but I can’t and sometime without any reason I started laughing but that time I tasted my tears. I am alive and surviving but actually I am dying day by day. Now I realized what called loneliness.

                I stand with the crowed but still felt lonely. I met peoples but mine heart & mind are numb. I wish to and tried to talk with someone but that someone is nowhere. I still felt her presence in everywhere but it’s virtual or just to say her prototype is with me always. She still talks with me, fights with me and dance with me and even I share everything with her. I want to touch her, kiss her, hug her, love her but virtually it’s not possible.

I do try to avoid romance from my life but the more I try the more I found. And it’s tortured me. I see couples kissing each other, resting their head in shoulders, sleeping on lap, making fun, gossiping, hugging each other. I see these couples everywhere even in the cinema hall where I want to spend few hours in the darkness. I found some couples sitting next to me and doing all those things which even I did some time in the past. I feel pain and heart was bleed.

                My friends talked about the new hot chicks in the city but truly all the good looking girls in this planet are failed to attract me. Nothing excites me; even sexual desire went in to hibernation. Standing below the shower I cry hard but nobody listen to me and the splashing of shower mask the sound of mine sobbing.

                Now I started searching of anything which can erase my memory by consume. And believe me my life is now appearing worse than death. Everything which previously gave me smiles now torturing me. I felt like drug addict who badly needed next hit, but at least an addict has his drug… I felt suffocated. Something was stopping my breath…something is etching my soul.

                Now the nights are devil for me and I am getting scared of it. Days are Likes Mountain and after passing it I felt like won the world war. Now I know what called loneliness and I am alone to cross this fire of ocean which is my life now… 

9512MOR936

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T H E  -  L A S T  -  W O R D

"I don’t see a future in our relationship, so I am not thinking about it" she said.

          I was speechless. It was an afternoon and my parents are out of home to attain a function and i was supposed to join them for lunch. But the word has made me freeze that time. I was almost in coma. Mind lost somewhere while i don’t know the exact condition of my silly-stupid-heart as mind was almost in coma. May be it suffers from few attacks. Just a sentence broke all my dreams in millions of tiny pieces. It broke my heart, soul and me too. I am a looser, a 2nd time looser.

           Stars, moon and my bird’s friends all are sited silently, staring at me. But i was in my thought, just standing mutely at my balcony. Nobody says anything; all are silent as they too hurt. Theirs dreams too broke. As the stars and moon are the most happiest whenever i met my love and they had seen so many dreams about us, while the birds were with me always to cheer. But tonight is different. It was a mid-November night and the winter was in early stage. There is little cold outside but not more than my heart, which is now almost dead. 

Silent room, silent mind, silent heart silent everywhere.

When your heart would be empty, then you feel silence everywhere.

Why did you came to my life,

When you have to go mile,

Why you bring smile,

Which last only for few while...

121113NGT841

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Inner Thought

I am sitting in a park. There are hundreds of people passing.

Few are known as watching them on my most of visits and most are unknown.

Few seems happy from theirs smile.

Some are seems frustrated.

Few are in deep thoughts and few don’t have any expression on face to judge theirs condition.

Some people are sitting in groups.

Some are roaming in pairs and few are sitting alone.

Some are busy in gossiping over cell phone, few are reading books or paper.

Some are enjoying theirs eatables.

A thought came to my not-so-intelligent-mind.  

How much of them are really happy inside or cool or don’t have any fear or tensions?

I asked to myself.

What about me?

Am I happy, sad or tensed?

What I am from my inner side?                                                                   

                          17114MOR1111

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